My birthday: The start of a new chapter

Today I have turned 27 years old and there is not just that to celebrate.  Just over 1 year ago I returned from travelling to a very turbulent and hard time in my life.  It has probably been the hardest time in my life and I have had some very low points in the last year.

However, instead of focusing on all that negative I choose to focus on the positive and I always try to do that with my blog.  Its has been hard to blog the last week or so having no internet and have used twitter a lot and will continue so follow me on there @adandelionmind.

I have so much to celebrate on this weekend and here is a little list:

1. I have moved into my own place 

2. I have started a new job teaching a difficult special needs class but starting to love my class

3. I have managed to overcome so much in the last year to show me I am a confident and strong lady

4. I had a chat with my sister and made a reconnection to build a more positive relationship

5. I have some amazing friends who love me dearly

6. I have met someone new who I feel really likes me and I like him

In all this weekend I feel like a very lucky girl.

This weekend - my birthday.

Due to having my new place I decided to have friends from all over to come and stay at mine.  Yesterday one of my friends from uni came over earlier and we did a little shopping and catching up.   Back at my house I baked my favourite muffins and then cooked Chilli Con Carne with rice and nachos for everyone.  I had 6 friends from different parts of my life: Uni, teaching and Guiding.  It was so lovely to have people over and enjoy spending time with them because they were there for me.

After dinner we got ready and got a taxi into Nottingham.  I love going out into Nottingham.  It has something for everyone, wear pretty much anything and do not have to walk far to get from one bar to the next.  The five bars we went into had music from current songs to blues to rock to 90's music to salsa.  We did not dance as much as what I wanted but it was great to be out and having an amazing time.  I was not even really worried about drinking of which I had a lot of cocktails last night. 

Today we got up and I cooked bacon and egg sandwiches for breakfast as such a good breakfast after being out.  Was not too hungover just tired really as had not gone to bed until 4am.  We went to a pub I really like that does some lovely food and was my choice for my birthday lunch.  My mum has popped round after my friends left and was pretty flat and I am trying to not get upset by her lack of love shown through emotion.  She shows her love through money which I really hate but that is the way she is.

I have felt very lucky with my friends being here as they were all here for me.  I feel valued and worthy of having people that care for me.  I had such fun with them and felt like this is the start of something new and so exciting.  My friends are my family because as a family we are not close and I do not open up to my mum.  The ups and downs of last year seem to be disappearing.  The worry of going back to being so ill and depressed is even going.  I do not worry half as much as I used to.  Having my own place I no longer live in fear.  I know I still have anxiety issues and I am still taking medication for that but I feel like I have made a huge jump in the last two weeks.

So here is a drink for me (a lovely handmade cosmo in my favourite cocktail bar). To an amazing birthday, best friends I could have and the start of hopefully a much better year. 

   

Hen do: My worst nightmare?

Last weekend was one of my close friends from university's hen do.  Now I was excited to go as not seen the Hen or another close friend for over 2 and half a years.  Plus I needed a weekend away from home but why consider it my worst nightmare?  Because it was full of things that push every anxiety I have at the minute all combined into one weekend.

My anxieties/problems:

• Big group of people
• People I did not know and they did not know my background
• Alcohol and pressure to drink 
• Being round loud drunk people
• Fancy dress and feeling stupid 
• Insomnia and not sleeping 
• IBS like symptoms due to stress 

Alcohol is one major anxiety I have around new people.  I knew it would not be a massive 'thing' as the Hen does not drink but I still find it hard.  I have a very fine line between happy drunk and miserable drunk which was one place I did not want to be on my friends hen do.  Explaining why I do not drink without going into for people I did not know was hard and some people still didn't understand how you can go out and have a good time without drinking.  When we were having a night in and doing PJ party or murder mystery I was alright drinking then as I felt safe.  I was in control of the situation and people would not really notice if you were drinking wine or shloer.   

I find fancy dress really stressful because I hate to look stupid, feel stupid or take the mick out of myself.  I think it is down to me wanting to control situations.  However I felt like I wanted to join in with my friends and have a good night.  In the end by the time we got out and were dancing in the bars I had a good night and really enjoyed being out but it is still not something I will do happily.

At times I felt ok but my stomach did not agree and I had some major IBS like symptoms with cramping and just generally not feeling like eating much.  I think it is down to stress and worrying.  I have given up caffeine and bread to an extent which has helped a lot.  I am hoping that once I move out I will have more control over my diet and it will improve some more.  

How did I feel at the end of it?  Exhausted but I had an amazing weekend.  It did feel like I had survived something but all in all it had been a successful weekend.  I have more confidence in working with my anxieties.   

Seeing my friends again reminded me how I have people that love me and enjoy spending time with me.  I had not seen my friends for nearly 2 and half years plus it is hard for us to even catch up on the phone because we all live busy lives a few hours apart.  I know they should not be excuses but it is just how life goes but this weekend showed me no matter what these 2 girls will always be there for me and look after me.  Now I am looking forward to seeing everyone again at the wedding!

Hen do: My worst nightmare?  Not really when you have amazing friends xx