So as is normal when a year finishes and a new one starts we take a valuable moment to stand back and reflect on how the year was. Really we should take the opportunity more in our lives to do this but seeing as I want to restart writing my blog I take this opportunity to reflect on what 2013 meant to me.
Overall 2013 meant the year of getting better physically and mentally.
I started the year still ill from pneumonia and this took a good 6 months to get fully better from this awful illness. I believe now that I had a cold and my body was under so much mental stress that my body tried to fight it and then gave up resulting in a massive illness, 5 days in hospital and a lot of recovery. If it taught me something is that our health is so important both physical and mentally.
In February I finally got some grief counselling and started to deal with the death of my Dad this lifted my depression to expose my real problem of anxiety. After this my Doctor finally diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and I started taking anti depressants in March. I do not feel ashamed of this because it allows me to live a functional. normal life and if you had a heart condition you would take medicine for it so why not mental health conditions?
I had my wisdom teeth out in March which was a sigh of relief and though a lot of anxiety was around it was so good to get the bastards out at the same time!
In March I got a full time teaching position at a school with children with high functioning Autism and challenging behaviour. It has not been an easy ride the kids are challenging and the company I work for is too with a lot of frustration in the workplace. However I love the job I do despite the risks and challenges. I need to believe in myself more and with more self confidence I know my anxiety at work could be better. I do not have anxiety because of my job and I don't want to be labelled as one of those teachers but I finally told my boss in September about my dad and my anxiety.
Getting a full time job also meant I could move out of the situation with my mum and her awful boyfriend. I have my own house that I rent which is a safe place and has given me space and time to relax. It is a challenge to afford it on my own but at the minute unless I knew the person well I wouldn't want to share.
Starting a new job also means new friends and those I have made have been amazing. One lady G has helped with my sister's baby shower, took me in for Christmas day and all sorts of other things. New and old friends have been a vital support for me and they are my family.
I also said goodbye to some friendships including the my ex boyfriend whose friendship I valued as he helped me through my Dad's death. After blaming me for him cheating and that I don't try to help myself I knew I had to walk away. I also dated someone new for the first time and told the guy about my anxiety within 2 weeks of meeting. He decided after 6 weeks we were not compatible as a couple, I think he didn't want a relationship, but it has given me confidence to be me with someone. I still feel I have too much baggage and too much for someone to cope with.
It is hard to sum up 2013 in one blog but these are the main points. Of course there have been high and lows, holidays and many other amazing moments. I end 2013 much happier and feeling better. I have some very good friendships and support network. I have goals and ambitions again and starting to feel like me again. I know where I am at and I know where I want to be hopefully being positive is the start of 2014.
