2013: A moment of reflection

So as is normal when a year finishes and a new one starts we take a valuable moment to stand back and reflect on how the year was.  Really we should take the opportunity more in our lives to do this but seeing as I want to restart writing my blog I take this opportunity to reflect on what 2013 meant to me.

Overall 2013 meant the year of getting better physically and mentally.

I started the year still ill from pneumonia and this took a good 6 months to get fully better from this awful illness.  I believe now that I had a cold and my body was under so much mental stress that my body tried to fight it and then gave up resulting in a massive illness, 5 days in hospital and a lot of recovery.  If it taught me something is that our health is so important both physical and mentally.

In February I finally got some grief counselling and started to deal with the death of my Dad this lifted my depression to expose my real problem of anxiety.  After this my Doctor finally diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and I started taking anti depressants in March.  I do not feel ashamed of this because it allows me to live a functional. normal life and if you had a heart condition you would take medicine for it so why not mental health conditions?

I had my wisdom teeth out in March which was a sigh of relief and though a lot of anxiety was around it was so good to get the bastards out at the same time!

In March I got a full time teaching position at a school with children with high functioning Autism and challenging behaviour.  It has not been an easy ride the kids are challenging and the company I work for is too with a lot of frustration in the workplace.  However I love the job I do despite the risks and challenges.  I need to believe in myself more and with more self confidence I know my anxiety at work could be better.  I do not have anxiety because of my job and I don't want to be labelled as one of those teachers but I finally told my boss in September about my dad and my anxiety.

Getting a full time job also meant I could move out of the situation with my mum and her awful boyfriend.  I have my own house that I rent which is a safe place and has given me space and time to relax.  It is a challenge to afford it on my own but at the minute unless I knew the person well I wouldn't want to share.

Starting a new job also means new friends and those I have made have been amazing.  One lady G has helped with my sister's baby shower, took me in for Christmas day and all sorts of other things.  New and old friends have been a vital support for me and they are my family.

I also said goodbye to some friendships including the my ex boyfriend whose friendship I valued as he helped me through my Dad's death.  After blaming me for him cheating and that I don't try to help myself I knew I had to walk away.  I also dated someone new for the first time and told the guy about my anxiety within 2 weeks of meeting.  He decided after 6 weeks we were not compatible as a couple, I think he didn't want a relationship, but it has given me confidence to be me with someone.  I still feel I have too much baggage and too much for someone to cope with.

It is hard to sum up 2013 in one blog but these are the main points.  Of course there have been high and lows, holidays and many other amazing moments.  I end 2013 much happier and feeling better.  I have some very good friendships and support network.  I have goals and ambitions again and starting to feel like me again.  I know where I am at and I know where I want to be hopefully being positive is the start of 2014.

Its been a while so a photo post to start with

I am sorry it has been a while since I posted last and I am feeling the need to write again as we get closer to a new year and I reflect on 2013.

To start easy this is a photo post about my new love of crafting and sewing.  This are a few things I have made in the last few months all hand stitched as not got the hang of sewing machine again yet.

Needlecase made for myself 

Various items I have made from felt

Needlecase made for a friend's mum

Russian dolls

Jar of hearts

Bride and groom made for a cousins wedding

 A mushroom for my friend for her brithday but still not finished

Home sign made from a piece of felt I made from grey walsh wool then I drew the words to stitch on top.

I love doing craft as means I can sit and watch tv and do something to distract myself but also make very personal gifts and things for my house. 

New travels, Girlguiding and an update

Right first of all an apology that I have abandoned writing in the last couple of months.  Things have been a bit mad at school with my autistic class.  I love them to bits but they are very challenging and getting to the end of term I was not very well and just generally tired.

So as an apology my post is going to be about my most recent travels with a trip to Europe.  

I am a member of Girlguiding and have been a Rainbow and Guide leader in the past.  If you have no idea what I am on about visit the website for more information.  When I came back from travelling I moved to a new area so didn't have a group and I still do not.  I applied for selection for another trip but did not get it but was quite glad as I was then very ill.  But like always there is a silver lining to everything.  I got an email about a group that needed an assistant leader for a group that were doing a challenge called Jailbreak.  Jailbreak essentially is a challenge to travel across Europe, visiting at least 3 countries and completing other challenges to be back in the UK 8 days later.  14 teams of 6 - 8 members aged 14 to 26 year old women competed in it this year.  However if the group was under 18 it needed 2 leaders to be responsible so that is where I come in.

I had an amazing time.  The itinerary was as follows:

27th July: Flew from Liverpool to Barcelona

2 nights in Barcelona

Train from Barcelona to Madrid.  Just the afternoon in Madrid

Overnight train from Madrid to Lisbon

2 nights in Lisbon staying in an amazing apartment

Flew from Lisbon to Paris 

2 nights in Paris

Then flew back to Birmingham on 3rd August.

I did not know the group I went with until I met them in February and they were amazing.  The girls aged 15 to 18 years old did not argue or fall out or cause any stress.  They were such a pleasure to be with even though one had never flown or been abroad until then.  It was the first time I had taken girls away and it was such an incredible experience.

My anxiety was a lot less and I think that is the reason that returning home last year was such a hard time.  I have had problems with my stomach mainly as I have eaten a lot and not really watched what I have eaten.  Plus I did not take my vitamins and probiotics so think that might have made a difference.

Anyway here are a selection of photos to show you.  Hopefully as it is summer holidays I can blog a bit more frequently!

My inner F1 geek

I love Formula 1.  

I was bought up on it rather then football or rugby.  I know it is a male dominated sport and fan base but scratch the surface and there are plenty of women involved.  I have been known to be around a friends house and get up at 7am to watch an early race.  When in Australia 2011 it was the Canadian race and I waited to watch it start at 2am.  I am a F1 geek. 

Now most of my female friends do not see the attraction or understand the sport more then it being about cars driving round a track.  Many might complain it is no longer about the driver and that it is more about having the best car.  Yes that is true but driving a F1 car is more then just having a fast car.  You need to understand the rules and the technical side of it.

My first grand prix to go to was the British for my 21st Birthday present in 2007.  I loved it the noise, the atmosphere is just incredible.  Yes it is different to watching it on the TV you do not get all the detail of the race but there is nothing like it.  I planned part of my travelling around going to the Malaysian race in 2011.  That was even more incredible because the tickets are cheap we had seats on the start/finish straight and the noise because of the track was even more incredible it sent tingles up your spine.  

Last year I went to the British again last year and was a very wet weekend but amazing none the less.  We had general admission tickets again and we some how managed to pick the spots on qualifying and race day where all the action was. 

An ex boyfriend also got me into Motogp and I do not follow it as closely but I still love it.  I went to the British race at Donnington and then again planned it so I was in Australia for the Phillip Island race in 2011.  It is more exciting at times because the bikes have added danger going side to side millimetres away from each other round the corners.  Moto 2 the lower series is even more exciting when I saw it in Australia.    

If I won the lottery I would love to spend a year just following the Formula 1 and Motogp around the world. I would love to see the race in Brazil as they are massive Forumla 1 fans and they know how to party!  

I will always support the Brits in the race but do have a soft spot for Webber and the under dogs of the lower teams.  It is great to see them win against the top dogs.  But do not mention Ferrari as we are definitely not fans in our house.  

Today is the Monaco race one of the most prestigious and one I would love to be at on a Yacht but for that I need some pennies!

So Formula 1 is one of my loves and passions and just a little bit of a F1 geek.  Will leave you with some photos.

British 2007 and meeting Johnny Herbet!

Malaysia 2011

 British 2012

Why I choose to learn pole dancing: No sleaze please

Since last July I have learnt to dance.  Pole dance to be specific.

Now for most people this conjures up the image of gentlemen clubs of women in barely anything writhing around to please the paying man.

Learning pole for fitness is a completely different kettle of fish.

I had tried pole dance a few years ago but due to finance and a teacher I did not really like I gave up thinking I was not strong enough or ever be able to do it.  When I came back from travelling I put on a lot of weight and wanted to get healthier.  I hate the gym I get bored easily and lose the willingness to go very quickly.  I love to dance I have dance in so many different styles since I was 4 years old.  I studied contemporary dance at university and love the way it makes me feel.

I started at this dance studio just doing the hula class which I did really enjoy and just caught the sight of some of the pole classes starting as I finished so I got the guts to try a beginner course at the same studio.  All the classes at this studio are open level so to help participate it is advised to have a beginner course first to get the basics.   I have been hooked ever since due to the challenge and feeling it gives me.

When I started I had barely any upper body strength at all.  Some of the girls could do the more strength dependant moves straight away but I have always been good at spins.  Even now I try to focus on what I can do and draw inspiration from the other girls as everyone is different and every person has a different body.  I stuck at it and slowly by keeping going I was able to start seeing progress.  The first time I climbed up to the top and then the next week get upside made me feel on top of the world.

Despite the rather unsightly bruises and sore muscles it gives I love that space for an hour each week to push myself to the max mentally and physically.  Pole is a lot about trusting your own body to do what you know it can do.  Yes it can be dangerous but so is life and a good teacher only teaches what she think you can do.  Build the skills and strength up slowly at your own pace.  I got bored of Zumba after a few weeks because I can dance already but pole dancing is just a challenge every week to get the new trick or move or to combine movements.

The realisation after a few weeks of working on something and finally getting it or even better finding it is getting easier is one of the best feelings.  Knowing that nearly a year ago I could not even climb up part way of the pole and now I can just climb to the top.

Another good point is the ladies in my studio.  There is such a mix in ages, sizes, background and ability that it makes such a community.  Due to the classes being drop in I often change about classes depending on the week and how I am feeling.  No matter what class I go to everyone is so friendly and encouraging and shares in your successes.  I may not see them outside of pole but it is great to feel welcomed and valued.

My next challenge is to do the pole dance studio's show 2 weeks on Friday.  I am doing a solo to 'Felling Good' by Muse.  Putting the routine together has not been too much of a challenge but getting through it requires stamina I never thought I had.  I cannot wait to perform it and show everyone how well I have done in a year and it lets me get back into performing which I miss so much from university.

The negative side though is the comments I get from some people and particularly men.  Do you know what I think though?  They are the ones made nervous by the fact women (and men if they choose to) can go and do a fitness class which is hard work and demanding like no other.  Just look through youtube at some of the amazing routines men and women can do.    Once you start you realise how easy people make it look.  One of my friends I showed the video too said that 'she didn't realise how graceful and gymnastic like it was'.

So I tend to my bruises with pride knowing how much strength, flexibility and confidence it needs to try and succeed in pole dance.  It is something I intend on doing for a very long time just never in a sleazy bar for a man.  It is for me and me alone!

I had a photoshoot the other week as part of the studio and will post a picture at some point if any good!


 

Just a sneak preview

I will be writing an update to my wedding post from earlier in the week as to how I found the weekend at my friend's wedding. I also have an article on the effect of exercise in the pipeline as well.

Sneak preview from the wedding yesterday.  Me feeling beautiful, strong, sophisticated woman of 27 years old.

Weddings and my dislike and grief

I have a wedding on Saturday of a close friend from university.  Am I looking forward to it? Yes and no.  Yes because I will get to see many friends who live far away and celebrate a lovely day for a lovely couple.  But really I hate weddings and the day holds all sense of dread for me.  So instead of just bottling it up tonight I am going to use it to write instead.  

Many girls dream of their big day.  Their one special day where everybody is there for you and your marriage to wish you well.  To walk down the aisle to Prince Charming in a big white dress looking for the happily every after.

To me this is all a load of rubbish.

I think a lot of how I feel stems from my family situation and my cynical nature of marriage after my own parents separation after 25 years together for reasons my mother, who was the one that walked away, never has explained at all.  I know she was unhappy but nothing more then that is known to me or my sister.  After my relationships have ended I have always thought is quality of time better then quantity of time together?  Do we need different people for different stages of life for different needs?

I have never seen myself with that perfect day because my wider family is so split up and people do not speak to others.  I never saw myself having a wedding at home I would rather have eloped and not dealt with the family arguments of 30 odd years old.  

My feelings about the actual wedding day revolve a lot around the loss of my dad.  When thinking about a wedding day the only thing I have ever thought about is the speech my Dad would do to embarrass me as much as possible with at the same time being the proudest man there.  I saw on key moments of my life like my graduation how proud my Dad was and there is not really another occasion where your Dad stands up and speaks to people about you.  To me getting married without my Dad just seems impossible to not have him there as I never envisaged him not being there.

The week of my Dad's funeral I attend my best friend from university's wedding as Maid of Honour.  Looking back it was probably a step too far at the time but I was determined to not miss the wedding.  I had got through the funeral without a single tear yet just walking down the aisle behind her I had to hold back the flow.  When it came to her Dad's speech I just could not hold on to the sadness of not having my Dad.  Since then I have been to a few weddings as a guest and working as a waitress and it still gets me every time of being there and having your Dad there.  It is one part of the wedding coming this weekend that I wish to just go and it somewhere and not have to face.

My other issue is how I then deal with coping with these feelings.  One is drinking alcohol and it is never a good place for me really but there is that expectation at a wedding.  Through in a whole room of strangers that makes me anxious as well and its a recipe of hell for me.  Then there is also the issue of; what to wear? what shoes do I wear? Do I look fat in this? Am I too dressed up or not dressed up enough? It just makes everything that little bit harder. 

I do not see myself getting married as I could not make that promise to love some and stay with them until death us do part.  There is not an occasion that celebrates us not making that choice.  That single life can be just as much a choice as being married.  It comes down the expectation of society.  I do not see myself getting married or having children but that is a different post yet to be written. 

Will leave you with a photo of me being Maid of Honour for my best friend in October 2010 and will promise to post pictures from the wedding and an update next week. 

My birthday: The start of a new chapter

Today I have turned 27 years old and there is not just that to celebrate.  Just over 1 year ago I returned from travelling to a very turbulent and hard time in my life.  It has probably been the hardest time in my life and I have had some very low points in the last year.

However, instead of focusing on all that negative I choose to focus on the positive and I always try to do that with my blog.  Its has been hard to blog the last week or so having no internet and have used twitter a lot and will continue so follow me on there @adandelionmind.

I have so much to celebrate on this weekend and here is a little list:

1. I have moved into my own place 

2. I have started a new job teaching a difficult special needs class but starting to love my class

3. I have managed to overcome so much in the last year to show me I am a confident and strong lady

4. I had a chat with my sister and made a reconnection to build a more positive relationship

5. I have some amazing friends who love me dearly

6. I have met someone new who I feel really likes me and I like him

In all this weekend I feel like a very lucky girl.

This weekend - my birthday.

Due to having my new place I decided to have friends from all over to come and stay at mine.  Yesterday one of my friends from uni came over earlier and we did a little shopping and catching up.   Back at my house I baked my favourite muffins and then cooked Chilli Con Carne with rice and nachos for everyone.  I had 6 friends from different parts of my life: Uni, teaching and Guiding.  It was so lovely to have people over and enjoy spending time with them because they were there for me.

After dinner we got ready and got a taxi into Nottingham.  I love going out into Nottingham.  It has something for everyone, wear pretty much anything and do not have to walk far to get from one bar to the next.  The five bars we went into had music from current songs to blues to rock to 90's music to salsa.  We did not dance as much as what I wanted but it was great to be out and having an amazing time.  I was not even really worried about drinking of which I had a lot of cocktails last night. 

Today we got up and I cooked bacon and egg sandwiches for breakfast as such a good breakfast after being out.  Was not too hungover just tired really as had not gone to bed until 4am.  We went to a pub I really like that does some lovely food and was my choice for my birthday lunch.  My mum has popped round after my friends left and was pretty flat and I am trying to not get upset by her lack of love shown through emotion.  She shows her love through money which I really hate but that is the way she is.

I have felt very lucky with my friends being here as they were all here for me.  I feel valued and worthy of having people that care for me.  I had such fun with them and felt like this is the start of something new and so exciting.  My friends are my family because as a family we are not close and I do not open up to my mum.  The ups and downs of last year seem to be disappearing.  The worry of going back to being so ill and depressed is even going.  I do not worry half as much as I used to.  Having my own place I no longer live in fear.  I know I still have anxiety issues and I am still taking medication for that but I feel like I have made a huge jump in the last two weeks.

So here is a drink for me (a lovely handmade cosmo in my favourite cocktail bar). To an amazing birthday, best friends I could have and the start of hopefully a much better year. 

   

Out of the darkness and into the light it seems

After the positive post I wrote the other day I have a follow up to it as I have felt that in the last week I have made massive steps forward in so many ways.   

It feels the mist that descended when I came home nearly a year ago is finally lifting and I can see things much clearer.  Having things to look forward to like my new job, house and having amazing friends has lifted so much weight of my shoulders.  I have been having grief counselling as I know that was the first thing I needed to work on to be able to then tackle myself underneath.

Grief

It is a difficult thing to focus on.  To deal with, to live with.

I have cried more in the last few weeks then when my dad actually died.  I locked myself away when he died so that I could leave and go travelling like I had planned.  I needed physical and mental space to even start dealing with things that had happened over the last few years.

I have been having grief counselling and it has really helped as a place to talk about life now because of my Dad's death and remembering my Dad.  My Dad had such a sense of humour and fun and welcoming to everyone.  I miss so many things about him but do not wish him any day.  I get sad about the fact he will never be at my wedding to embarrass me to high heaven in his father of the brides speech.  However I do try to remember all the happy times and the opportunities he gave me.

It was always be there though that loss, that sadness.  

It is not selfish as my mum called him in an argument we had the other day.  The last thing I think is that he was selfish.  He was ill, very ill and I wish she had been more honest about the care he needed and when.  She says I just brush her away and I feel I can never talk to her about my Dad.  When I move into my new house I want to find some things or his and put some pictures up because I want to remember those happy times we had together.

Friends

I have some amazing friends.  Often it is not quantity of time known or spent together but quality of friendship.  I have been able to share with many more people about how I feel and to support me rather then just relying on one person like I was.  One person was there for me when my Dad died and I felt I could understand.  Eventually when I came home from travelling this was too much for one person to cope with my down days.  Now I have friends that I share my low feeling around with, I am more honest to not just them but myself as well.  That person who was there from the beginning of this is still there and I spent a lot of Sunday talking to him after quite a bad day on the Sunday.

Next steps

Through this process recently I feel that I can address myself with the next priority which really is not depression as much but my anxiety problems.  I have always been a worrier and started having panic attacks in 2006 but since becoming a teacher and a grown up it has become worse.  In the process of growing up I have then had hit after hit with life changes and then finally my Dad's death.  Over the last few weeks I have felt that anxiety more and more in terms of not sleeping, IBS like problems with my stomach and generally not wanting to do things.  Sometimes I will sit in the car for a few minutes when I get somewhere to psych myself up in a way.

Anxiety is part of me but I know there are better ways to cope with it.  Currently I use control and keeping busy with things to cope but these are both mentally and physically exhausting.  I am on medication as of this week and going through process to get more counselling or CBT to help me cope better with life.  I also want to pursue mindfulness and meditation on my own as well to help with my worry and negative thoughts at times.  I know I need this as though I am better at the minute I still feel fragile and worry if something else hits then I will be back where I was nearly a year ago.

The best thing:  I finally feel like me again for the time being.  The mist has been lifted and I can feel my life is in some order at the minute.

It's a dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life and I'm feeling good

My blog is positivity.  My blog is me and I am feeling good.

This is a classic song but it just sums up how I am feeling after the last week.  I am also using the song for a dance routine so it is going round and round in my head and the more it does the more it sums up how I feel at the minute.  The silver lining for many decisions that went against me in last few months is starting to show.  

It's a new dawn. it's a new day, it's a new life and I'm feeling good.

New job

I recently finally got a full time, permanent job working as a special needs teacher in a school for students with high functioning autism.  I cannot wait to start but have to wait for my criminal check first which is a bit of a pain but means I can just carry on with supply for now.  I have worked so hard to get this job and been so patient.  In many ways I am glad I did not get the job I was covering at my other school as it has become an OFSTED bubble in some ways at the minute.  This term only working 3 days a week supply has meant I can focus on me and get myself better.  I cannot wait for a fresh start and challenge at this school.

New house

Since coming back I have been living with mum and her boyfriend.  It is a toxic living situation is the only way to describe it as it makes me so miserable as the boyfriend lacks any sense of courtesy, communication or humour.  So since I have a new job coming I decided to move out now rather then wait for my friend to move out with.  She may join me once she has a new job.  This has made me so happy.  I have a space to cook, to work, to have friends over and most importantly to call my own.  It is only rented but I do not care.  I am going to move in with the basics and go from there as we have several second hand furniture stores round here.  I also want to get crafty and make things - been watching Kirsten's vintage home to get ideas.  Though if anyone has a corner sofa they would like to donate I would be most welcome.

Getting dancing, getting healthy

I had severe pneumonia in November and still I am not 100% but I am getting there.  I am back dancing and loving it.  It is such a release to express yourself creatively through movement.  I have also restarted pole dancing and back up to nearly full strength and starting to prepare for the show in June.  I am doing a solo to feeling good in it so got to start preparing that.

New summer plans

Now I am getting paid over the Summer I can start making plans.  I have ended up being an assistant leader on a guiding trip to take 4 girls on a route we plan through 3 countries in Europe.  They have done a lot of the fund raising and I met them today.  Plan at the minute is Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon to them fly home and meet all the other teams in Birmingham for the presentation.  

I feel like life has moved round a massive corner and that it has actually felt like the light can be seen.  I have had a problem with drinking any alcohol in the last few months as it just makes me feel miserable but on Friday night I managed to have 3 ciders and have a really good night out with a friend.  

I am still single but I have so many friends to support me.  Recently I have shared my blog with more friends and they have all been really positive about it so it keeps motivating me to write.  I know I have people I can rely on and trust.  

So a man would be the icing on the cake but for now let's keep having some fun. 

5 Steps to wellbeing: Mind and me

When I first started feeling unwell and needing help I turned to the vast network of information called the Internet.  This at times is as helpful as it is unhelpful.  However key Internet sites of mainly charities that work towards better understanding and support of mental health offer some of the best advice.  

My favourite is from Minds Ecominds project.  There are 5 steps to well being to help anyone have better mental health.

As they say "We know that eating five portions of fruit and veg a day can help us to keep us healthy.  But researchers have found that people who introduce the following five steps into their lifestyle can improve their mental wellbeing too.'  

In this blog I am going to discuss each one briefly and how I try to say how I include them in my life.  They are not perfect but they do really help to keep my wellbeing going on a even keel.  It is not to say it will work for everyone but they are little steps that may help.

1. Connect

Advice: Build those connection with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours.  Think of these people as the cornerstones of your life and invest time in developing these relationships.  Building stronger connections will support and enrich your life. 

Me:  This can be a hard one as if your feeling low you may not want to see people or think people want to see you.  I try and do the following. 

1. Make time to see or chat on the phone to friends that are close to me locally and do dinner or just a chat and a cup of tea.

2. For those of my friends that live further try and arrange a weekend at some point to meet up and do something.

3. I try to be honest with how I am feeling with colleagues even though they do not know my history or depressive streaks.  So if I am feeling tired or down I say that to people and now I am starting a new job I will be honest with those around me.   

4. I try and do new activities where I will start to meet new people and build new connections through similar interests.

2. Be Active

Advice: Step outside.  Go for a walk or run. Cycle, play a game, dance.  Exercising makes you feel good.  More importantly, discover a physical activity you enjoy and suits your level of mobility and fitness. 

Me: For this to work you have to choose activities that you like.  If anyone suggests going to the gym that makes me feel depressed before I even get there.  By choosing something you like your more motivated to go and do it.  Also choose something you can see your own progress in.  I comfort eat and so I see the positives of exercise is loosing that weight.  I do the following:

1. Pilates - helps both physically and mentally.  It builds a strong core, builds connections in your body and  you are able to do it on every level.  I started because I had back problems which have just about gone now.

2. Dancing - something I will blog more about but its something I have always done.  I currently do pole dance and I love it because it is a challenge to me and that motivates me to go and get better. 

This does not mean I don't find it hard getting my arse out of the house to go and be active.  I just know if I go I will feel better and it gives me such a buzz when I come home.

3. Take notice

Advice: Be curious.  Catch sight of something beautiful today.  Notice the changing seasons.  Savour the moment, whether you are walking, eating lunch or talking to friends.  Awareness of the world around you, what you are feeling and your experiences will help you appreciate what matters to you.

Me: This is one I probably do not have solid examples of.  I have tried to take more notice of what I eat, what my friends are doing, what music I like.  I try and be thankful for small things that happen during the day.  How the mornings are starting to get lighter and spring seems to be on its way.   

4. Keep Learning

Advice: Try something new or rediscover an old interest.  Sign up for that course.  Take on a different responsibility at work.  Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favourite food.  Learning new things is fun and will make you more confident.  

Me: A lot of this comes under being active for some things.  I have decided to take a new direction in my teaching career so I am always learning new things about special needs, disability and autism.  I am enjoying learning how to cook new things from scratch without adding jars of sauce or packet mixes.   

5. Give

Advice:  Do something nice for a friend, or even a stranger.  Take time to thank someone. Smile.  Volunteer your time.  Join a community group.  Look out as well as in.  Seeing yourself and your happiness, linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connections with people around you.  

Me: Sometimes it is just little things like I agree to help a friend with something or have a look on internet for something they need.  At work I help those that may not have the ICT skills or share things I have created for my class.  I have also volunteered with GirlguidingUK for the last few years and love being a leader and giving a chance for other girls to develop skills outside of traditional education.

I know that at times even doing one of these things can feel too much when you are really low but they can help in small ways.  Being active might be as simple of a walk round the block or a game on the wii but it may give you that little encouragement to try more.  Connecting might be texting a friend or having a coffee after work with someone.

Do you think any of these would help you to feel better?  

New Year Resolution 2013

I do not make a habit of making resolutions for the new year because like most other resolutions I know I will struggle to keep whatever aim I intended to keep for the year.  One thing I do want to work on in 2013 is becoming happier in myself after some tough times in 2012.  This is a massive aim - to be happier.  For it to ever succeed I broke it down a little bit. 

This advice came from one of my friends before this picture above appeared on Katie Price's facebook wall a few weeks ago.  Every day might not be the best but something, however small it may be, will be good about that day.  I have a jar it sits out of sight but every day or every few days I think about what has gone on and write something big or small that was good about that day.  If there is something I feel in particular at that moment in time I might write an extra note.  The aim is that come 31st December 2013 I will have many memories to stir what is good about my life and those hidden positive memories as every day life takes its toil sometimes.  

It is wrong to think that depressed people should just be thankful for what they have got and have no right to be miserable.  This thought might make them feel even lower about themselves.  Instead this process for me is a way of forcing myself to reflect on getting that perspective I had when I was away travelling, to find the good in one day as I have a tendency to warp my thoughts.  

So far I am able to keep this small resolution to write one note every day. 

To make a big difference start with a small change.