Sometimes the hardest thing is to start

What do Robbie Williams, Stephen Fry and Ruby Wax all have in common?

They all have been in entertainment.  Yes.

They all have a lot of money.  Yes.

You would recognise them walking down the street. Perhaps. 

However, for me they all have something else in common.  They all spoke out and talked about the difficulties they have faced coping with their mental health.  They have stood up for the fact its something so taboo, has so much stigma attached to it and they have tried to tell people what it is like.

I have struggled in the last few years as to how to share my own experiences.  Even now I am struggling as to how much I share this, who I share it with and how much I tell people in fear of many things including people's reactions.  When it comes down to it people just do not understand how anybody can feel so low to be depressed and to suffer so much pain internally.  People say you can just feel happier by putting a smile on your face or 'pulling' yourself together.   

According to a quick Internet search the number affected by cancer in the UK in their lifetime is 1 in 3.  The number for mental health is 1 in 4.  Yet to share that you are effected by mental health is harder to face sharing with others for the stigma of being the 'mad' or 'crazy' one.

So why am I starting my blog if sharing is so hard?  I have come to realise every time I tell a new person about my own experiences I have been through that it is like a release.  A little less weight on my shoulders.  That when I trust people to listen then they do understand or start to understand what someone with depression or a mental health issue can go through or what it is like living with somebody close who does struggle.  

I choose the name dandelion mind because of 2 reasons.

1. My favourite comedian is Bill Bailey who has a show by the same name and uses the line in a song.  I just like the image and the words. 

2. Its often how I feel about my own mind, that sometimes I can hold it together but other times when some gust of wind comes along in my life it just scatters my brain and it feels hard work to keep it all together.  

What is my blog about then?  It is about dealing my dad's death in October 2010 but in no way do I want it to be a negative, grief filled, dark reflection on him and others that have mental heath illnesses.  I want my blog to about how I dealt with that, a place to reflect on how it effects my life but in a positive as possible light.  For others to know they are not alone as when it happened I felt like that no matter how I searched online.  It may have things I watch, that I like, information to other places or things I find interesting.

I do not want to use the word survivor or that my dad was battling depression or a problem.  Language is very powerful and so I try my best to think about how I speak about it.  

Sometimes that blank piece of white paper is the hardest place to start but hopefully I am on the way now.