Getting help: me vs NHS

I recently managed to start grief counselling but it has been a long time coming and a lot of the frustrations I feel about how I feel and dealing with my Dad's death is about how I have not been given help and the fight to get help.

When my Dad died I was 24 years old.  An adult supposedly.  How we were treated by the Police at times was disgusting and horrible.  Were we offered support? No.  I know through a previous experience when I was teaching that if I was under 18 there would have instantly been a team of support around me.  Educational Psychologist recommending the best ways to support someone with teachers, counselling given on a short term basis to the child and all matter of other things.  So at 24 years old getting no help I was just expected to cope.  

Did I cope? No.  Do I cope now? Just about sometimes.  

I only had 3 months until I went travelling so I knew there was no point getting help to start with and being away at times was the best for me then.  However coming back I knew that I needed to get support and help as those friends who had been there for me, still were but I knew I needed more professional help.

June 2012 despite trying to keep my head above water I just sunk into a black sea of depression and despair.  I ended up going to see my GP which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  It takes so much energy just to compose yourself and talk about it that afterwards you feel drained and exhausted.  She said to ring the service in Derbyshire called Rightsteps which you can self refer yourself for help.  At this point I was unsure what I really needed as it was a mixture between help with the grief and the depressive feelings.  

I called Rightsteps, a massive step as I hate using the phone, and I could not get a face to face appointment in the evening so instead settled for a telephone appointment.  I knew this was not really right for me but I just put up with it and waited the 3 weeks until it was my time.  When it came I spent at least an hour answering a lot of questions to in the end be given the choice of self help stuff or self refer myself to a charity for grief counselling as its not a service they provide.  This was the end of June 2011.

I put off referring myself to the charities that help with grief counselling for 2 months and finally summoned the courage to email one of them in August.  Did not hear anything back so just carried on coping until things came to head after splitting with a guy I was seeing and feeling like falling down the big black hole again.  She was very empathetic and really wished she could do more on the NHS.  She decided to write a letter to the same charity I had been trying to self refer to.  

I got a phone call within a week of the letter being sent and an appointment to be assessed for a couple of weeks time.  Unfortunately I was to ill to go to this due to getting pneumonia so I had to wait another 2 weeks to have this assessment.  At this assessment my frustrations about lack of support were evident and the counsellor was really supportive in saying that now I was on their books I would not be forgotten about.  I have managed to get a volunteer counsellor just after a month of that assessment.  Finally some help February 2013.  

I know others that have got help much quicker but they have been more severe having both self harm and suicidal thoughts neither of which I really have.  But if I did not get help in some way I could see myself continuing down that path.  Why not help me now when I am asking for help?  If I had a physical illness would I have had to wait so long to get treatment?  Would I have had to rely on a charity to give me that treatment?  I do not know if my depression is based sorely on grief or if it depression.  I have no idea and probably will never have that.  The doctors at the minute are trying not to see it as depression as when I asked for more help they gave me sleeping tablets I asked for but were reluctant to give me anything else before this counselling started.  

I know counselling is going to help with some of my feelings.  Writing this blog has already helped because a lot of my feelings are around frustrations and anger I feel in particular in getting help.  I know I am not the only one out there that feels like this.  The NHS is there for all and I know it is stretched but at the same time is our mental health not as important as our physical health?           

One thing I found on the Internet which helped me back in June and I still dip and out of is the mood gym programme.  It has simple exercises similar to CBT looking at how you are feeling and why.  It can be done at any speed and it saves the work as you go along.  It is definitely worth a try looking as it is not trying to give you answers but help you find answers.  It is easy to create an account and use and like I said you can do as much or as little as you want at any time.  It has sections on feelings, thoughts, unwrapping, destressing and relationships.  It has tests on anxiety and depressive feelings so for me it gave me validation that I was feeling highly anxious and depressive not just making them up.

Have you got help quickly or still waiting?  Did you manage to get it through NHS or relying on charities to fill the gap?

    

Sorry for the silence - more posts soon!

Right the last week its been a bit mad applying for several jobs, an interview and just surviving life.  However next week is half term for me as a teacher and I am off to Edinburgh and St Andrews to stay with friends.  They both have uni work to do so I am going to have time to write about a few things that are bubbling up at the minute including my start to counselling last Friday, valentines day and other things.

Please follow me on twitter for more updates and links to other sources of information or blogs.

Introducing my Twitter - @adandelionmind

So I am new to twitter but I wanted to use it to connect my blog and a place where I could share things quickly without using facebook at the minute.  I have started to understand the power of twitter and more importantly how it works.

My name is @adandelionmind if you want to come on over and have a look (there is a handy link on the right hand side of the blog).  I have found it interesting a place to be to connect to some new places of information and support just by following Time to Change's twitter feed.  A lot more useful then I ever thought it would be especially as I personally use facebook a lot.   

One example is finding the website mens minds matter which is specifically about men's mental health and research they are carrying out.  They need more men to go and take the survey on their newest research so go and have a look.  I want to write a bigger post on men's health and mental illness through my personal experiences of family and friends but I have no time at the minute as preparing for interviews and sending more job applications of.   

Time to Change - Unfriend survey findings

Time to Change recently published this advert about how mental health affects those from a survey they carried out. 

Like Time to change say you do not need to be an expect in mental health to be a support.  By being silent you make things worse - inaction is an action.  The five little pictures at the bottom are five little tips about helping those that might need help.  They are simple things that may work to help someone even in a small way.

For me the biggest shock was the fact 73% said it was not their responsibility.  Being a friend means supporting and helping others no matter what.  If it was a physical illness I bet 73% of people would think it was their responsibility to help not to stand by and let that person struggle.

The mountains of South America and finding peace

This time last year I was sat in a little hostel in El Chalten, South Argentina going walking for the day and then watching my first ever Superbowl final with Americans in the hostel.  

Sunset on my first night in El Chalten. 

View of Fitz Roy after a long but amazing trek. 

This post is about when I went travelling the way walking in the mountains of South America helped me to find a little bit of peace and a place to grieve.

My Dad always encouraged me to follow my dreams and the part he most wanted to see in my trip was South America.  South America made the list for me as I wanted to be in Rio de Jenerio for Carnival but also to walk and trek in the mountains.  Me and my Dad never set firm plans for him to come out and travel with me.  In fact not much of the section in South America leg of my travels was set in stone until the last minute.  However it was the only section of the trip my dad was interested in joining up with me to do but then never got to do.  

Many times in South America I felt his absence especially because I was doing a lot of walking and trekking, something my Dad loved to do.  My Dad died 3 months before I left the UK and I left even though I was still in pain from that because I know my Dad would not have wanted me to cancel or delay my trip I had worked hard for.  However once South America came it was a lot harder then I was expecting to deal with some of that pain.

The mountains became my spiritual place.  A place to remember, to think and to reflect.

The Incas believed that to be at the top of a mountain was to be close to the Gods.  To be able to please the Gods they left children as sacrifices at astonishing heights which have survived in one piece and can be seen at different museums in South America.  Of course this is all speculative, a very simplistic explanation and many would have various different opinions and arguments about what the Incas believed.  I am not a religious person and have not been for a long time but the mountains became another place for me.  Being in these places at heights of up to 4000 metres was a very moving experience and spiritual place to be.  A place to be at peace, a place to remember my Dad.  I hardly spoke to anyone about the pain I was carrying apart from a select few but the mountains I did not have to say anything.    

The picture is me climbing Villarrica Volcano in Pucon, Chile.  It is the highest point I got to as I was struggling due to still being ill and my guide turned me and a couple of other walkers around.  Before this picture I stopped for a rest stop with others and I just sat and cried.  I had found the climb a lot harder, I do not really like walking up its the hardest part for me but I found it mentally tough.  One of the other climbers, not even from my group asked if I was ok and I replied something along the lines of yes but also missing my Dad because he died just over a year ago.  The man was probably old enough to be my dad heard my story and truthfully replied that he was sorry for my loss and that I made him cry himself.

Pucon was the first place I told somebody fully and truthfully what had happened to my Dad and the pain I was carrying deep inside me.  It set the story for my South American adventure meeting people weeks later or friends of friends from that hostel in Pucon.  Meeting some very good people made my trip in South America.  

This photo was taken on the second day of my trek in the Lares Valley in Peru near Cusco. We had slept at 3,800 metres above sea level and climbed up to just over 4,000 metres and over the top of a ridge.  That climb that morning was tough.  I usually do not like walking with my ipod on but that day I needed something to get me up the mountain and Queen was the choice that day.  The relief and achievement of getting there and the view the other side was amazing.  I know my Dad would have loved to be there and would have been very proud.

The mountains and walking are a place to challenge yourself, to push your limits both mentally and physically.

A place to remember and relfect.  To be away from everything.   

What is life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare

What is life if, full and care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass/

No time to see in broad daylight.
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life that is full of care
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

I have put this poem up due to a couple of reasons.  When I went travelling I kept a journal and by the time I got to the 3rd one I had no more travel quotes left to write in it so I wrote this.  Whilst travelling it was easy to run round to try and see everything that sometimes you needed to have that time to stand and stare.  Even now one of the hardest things I find to do is to stop and relax.  Truly relax without thinking of doing anything else.  This poem when I think of it instantly makes me feel calmer and relaxed by reminding me sometimes we do need to just stand and stare to make the most of it.

Finally I made my pledge - Time to Change

Time to Change is an anti stigma campaign run by charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness.  One of their ways to encourage people to talk about their mental health is their pledge wall on their website.  Anybody can make a pledge either through a written pledge or video pledge.  There are many celebrities, organisations and normal people who have made the pledge to talk about mental health.  At the minute the count stands at 29,982.  

I had not made a pledge until yesterday when I finally made the pledge and included the link to this blog.  I had known about this part of Time to Change but had not done it.  I do not why I had not done it; fear, scared, unsure?  I am not sure.  However I decided yesterday to just do it and share my blog as well within the link.

So please go and see My Pledge and others on the site as well as other information on Time to Change campaign.